Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk is a universal language darling
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