maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You made out with two different species that night
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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