When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You made out with two different species that night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
