Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
