I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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