Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
either way he was missing a nipple.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
