just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
