i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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