i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
