Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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