I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
