My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
