Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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