I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're my little dorito
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
