so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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