We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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