just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
