tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
