Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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