I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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