i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
