If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
