how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
