So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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