Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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