i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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