He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
