i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
