i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
