Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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