What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
