Tell her she can't have a vagina
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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