I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So drunk its hurt
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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