So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
