if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
