there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
