Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
