i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
