Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
