i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
