Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
