Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
