She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't deserve a penis
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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