Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Duck Duck Cougar?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
