Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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