tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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