there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
