Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
