What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
