Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
