You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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