At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
