I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
