I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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Operation Purity has been aborted
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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