He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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