Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
