so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You need Xanax blowdarts
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
