the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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