other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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