gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...