Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me