Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?