I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today