i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize